What ifs....

Life is full of 'what if' moments. 
Sometimes they can make you feel better for what you have and every so often they make you feel worse. 
Yes, you think that it has made you stronger. 
Yes, you believe that you are the person you are now because of it. 
But, honestly, in the moments after that sudden saddnes, thats not what you feel.

I had a sad moment this week.  It made me think 'what if', it made me feel sorry for myself and it was a shock.  It made me even feel sad for who i was for a moment.
Now, now i think back, i'm calm and i really have thought it all over.  I can see it really was meant to be. 
I am lucky. 
I think i am naturally a lucky person, and normally things go quite well for me. 
I dont often feel so down and i am exceptionally lucky that it passed.

Now i am free.  I can look forward with hope, once again.  I will look back at this and be thankful that my life took this course and no other.

Most of all, i am constantly aiming to feel happier within myself-dispite these 'what if' moments.

x

I have a confession…

I have a slight confession to make. Of late I have been so caught up in something. It has taken over every aspect of my life. I have changed my life. I have not acted the way I normally do, and I have not been ‘kind’ to myself.

Although everything I have done is aimed at a goal, we have so very little control over it, and so we are taking a very big gamble.

I have been thinking for a little while about this. I keep wondering what sort of person I will be after this part of the journey, what will be left of me, or indeed the old me?

In an attempt to regain my sanity and rid my self of periodic despondence I have decided to try to fill my life with lots of new skills and try to fulfil all of those New Years Day promises I make.

So this is my new promise, the one that I will be exceptionally accountable for. I will try to get back to the skills I used to have, and I shall foster some new ones.

I have a couple of things I’ve wanted to make for a while, and I have just put it off. Part of it is because it’s so connected with the ‘thing we have been so caught up in’. Hopefully I will be able to start showing the progress…and believe me, it will be slow! But I am proud and enthusiastic about my new route, and my new way to look at life.
Thankfully for me, so much of my thinking gets done while walking, and with a little Pup I walk a lot. I am hoping this new found clarity will stay and possibly permeate the blog…but that may be asking too much at this point in time!!