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Tuesday, 18 May 2010

The husband

Yet again we are in the midst of another gout attack. The husband is in so much pain and I can literally do nothing to help at all. The heated blanket is of more use than me, which is a pain as I see him in agony and all I can think is how I can hover around him. Things are a bit rubbish at the moment, work is being a pain (I love the patrons though), I'm saving for holidays and although I know it will be worth it-its such a pain being stony broke at the moment, plus-and this is the super big one, I am dreadfully jealous of any Mother I spot….terrible, I know.

Its not that I am a mean person devoid of compassion, I'm just terribly broody and having my teeny niece about me has only made me think of having a child of our own that would grow up with said niece. I do have another niece and nephew, however they are 16 and 13 respectively and we never expected to be an Aunty and Uncle again. Add that with the fact we thought WE’D be next for having a baby. URGH- I hate feeling like this. I do try to think of the fact that I am only 24 and so have plenty of time to become a Mother…I think I was born at the wrong time, I have always been ready for marriage and babies.

The husband has been absolute bedrock during this time, and I only wish I could now be there for him. Its horrible seeing him so sore he is nearly sick, I am just praying that he gets better and when he can walk again we’ll try to eat as healthy as possible and do anything we can to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

x x x

1 comment:

Amanda and Tim said...

Oh, I feel so much for you!! It is such a hard thing to admit sometimes that you are so desperate for a child that it makes you envy other mothers, but I know that feeling as I have been broody since I was a child (my mum was a childminder so I was surrounded by babies) and although I may seem young at 25 (just older than you), I have been wanting that child and home life for so long it hurts inside. Add to that the fact we know we potentially could have difficulties because of my endo, I am desperate to start trying and if it weren't for the wedding later this year would have started already. But it does make you feel so terrible to feel such envy towards people who have done nothing wrong... I know that so well. (Oh and incidentally, we've just made the decision for me to stay home instead of going out to work all hours because I too want to be a homemaker and feel I was born in the wrong decade - your post is like reading my own thoughts!)

As for your husband's gout, I am so sorry to hear about it. I do hope that he feels better soon.