The husband and I have had a lovely day out at the beach in the sunshine. The golden, soft sand trickled around our fingers as we grasped it lazily while sunbathing. Daisy dog sat with her ball, wet and salty from our trip into the sea, while the husband simply bathed himself in the glorious warmth. We set up camp at the foot of a sand dune and spread our blanket out and half buried our juice so they wouldn’t fall over.
I sat and watched little children run, work and play; there were families all around us enjoying the amazing weather-a massive departure from the snow that battered us all the way through Autumn, Winter and Spring! The children carried buckets, spades, ice creams and bandy nets; they really were laden down with all sorts of accoutrements, but they didn’t care one jot! They were clearly on a mission as they diligently worked at their castles and moats. Some set about digging their way to Australia while the little boy one beach towel away made a highway for his car in the sand.
Its amazing what children can make toys out of, or how the most amazing days can be relatively free for parents. I had a moment, a moment that comes to me when I am quiet or thoughtful, when I began to picture what I expected of my life when I ‘planned’ it out, six months ago, a year ago, two years ago… By now almost everyone around me knows that I have been wishing for a baby for this family, I wish that I could make this longing go away-but one day it will all be worthwhile and I know that I will be able to nurture the growth of somebody that needs it one day. I hope that I can take that person to the beach and let them play in the sand. Really let them ‘be’ and discover the things in life that don’t cost much, but will stick in their memories forever.
For now I am learning to be complete with what I have, there is a small space inside of me right now that I feel needs to be filled, filled with the love for a baby or somebody to care for and protect. However, my life with my husband is amazing-that is to say when we close the door in our home everything is amazing, everything is at the very least safe and the best it can be for the moment. I am happy with what I have now, and I am learning to deal with the rest. I have my husband and he is the most amazing support, confidant and best friend-I would pick him again and again as my own, and only wish I had earlier!
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