We had a lovely weekend at HH towers, doing lots of lovely Autumnal things with The Nephew who came up to visit us this weekend. Fires were lit, places visited, and too much food was eaten. The car was cleaned, the kitchen practically demolished (we’re talking about a fifteen year old boy now!), and the pup was run ragged by said 15 year old running non stop the whole time we visited a super cute little village called Collieston.
I had to drop The Nephew off home today although it’s the start of the Tattie Pickin holidays, and decided to have a leisurely walk down to The University and in past a book shop to waste time before my bus came. It was such a lovely day in a sea of rainy dark ones, so I had to take full advantage of it-although I had prepared for bad weather when setting off this morning and therefore had to carry around a snowboarding jacket as well as all the bags for the weekend!
I was struck by how beautiful all of the golden and auburn leaves were and the still calm sky. I remember walking the same route four years ago when I would head into university. I remembered, as I neared the grounds, looking over to the library, and the view that used to greet me. I saw how the new library was now impacting the landscape, and I was part of the group that was ‘before’ that building. I am someone who will say ‘I remember when…’. I saw the happy new students, I saw lost ones, and I saw groups of friends walking around giggling and laughing about an ‘in joke’ only they would ever get.
I loved my time there, I truly did, and if I had the chance to work there…you wouldn’t see me for dust… I know I idealise it. Because while walking around I noticed that I was probably only one of a few looking up and around as I did so. I could see how lovely it all is, and how beautiful, because I'm not there studying, and racing against deadlines. I can kick the leaves up, and sit on the wall to watch the world go by, because I have a day off…which is actually a day off from everything. I can go exploring and take pictures, because you know what? I’ve earned it! I've cried in the basement of the library because I was the only one in the whole wide university (and probably the history of all universities) that didn’t understand or couldn’t remember. I've claimed that Wikipedia is an excellent source, and been verbally beaten by a lecturer. I've got lost, or fumbled papers or words in a talk.
There have been times when I haven’t acted like that, IF ONLY….was the watchword in my vocabulary for a long time. But I really hope I can always love what I have now, even if it is at the back of my head. Even if it is only me catching myself mid sentence, I hope and pray I can be better at this.