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Thursday, 11 April 2013

Drip, Drip, Drop (inside and out)

Little April showers.. Oh dear, rainy outside and im a wee bit gloomy on the inside too im afraid. Life here seems to move at a million miles an hour and although I love that I have a full time job now (well I enjoy the pennies) I really miss those afternoons I had to myself. When I first started this blog I would have whole days and then later on, mornings or afternoons to myself at home with Daisy Dog. She would force me outside onto some walk through a field or hills or at the beach. I loved that I had a couple of hours while the sun was shining and I had the energy to just get out and walk. She’d be off her lead and we’d just set off together. The sun would be shining and I’d leave all the windows open to cool the house and get some freshness into every corner.

I think I am missing the old house too much. I miss the sea and I miss the sunshine. I miss having more time throughout the day. I miss sandy soil. I am grateful that we are closer to relatives, but it certainly was a step too far for me to now be outwith a village. We’ve had so much rain that the soil is boggy and soggy. I forgot what tree’s did and how damp and mossy they are. We had no tree’s in the village as the wind bent them til they broke or they would grow sideways.

We always wanted to stay at the bottom of Bennachie just outside of a village in a house with more room. We always hoped that if we rented it would be unfurnished so we could buy our own things. We always wanted to put our own stamp on a place and decorate it. I always wanted a study, we always wanted a dining room, a big garden…oh my goodness, this could go on sometime. We have all of these things, but I don’t seem to have time or the sea-which I miss so, so much.

I think I am just trying to figure out what’s important. What I can do without and what feeds my soul. When we lived in Cruden Bay and I was having a bad day I would walk to the beach or the cliffs, then I’d just sit. Everything faded away, the powerful crashing waves put it in perspective. The wild sea and the howling gales were sublime in the truest sense of the word.

I am aiming to not spend the weekend sleeping. I have done that a lot recenlty. I need to realise that this situation may get better within the time-limit we have given ourselves to save or it will get better after it, but it will get better. I aim to go for a walk up Bennachie this weekend. I will drag myself out of whatever mood I am in, and force myself to put one step infront of the other until I reach the top. The climb won’t be difficult, getting out of the door will be.

I’m sorry this post isn’t jolly or pretty. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to actually post it, but I do keep this blog for myself and everything flows and this too shall pass.

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